Uncertainties in my life

                            There has to be certainty in life. Uncertainty is the antithesis of the mind. Mind needs security. Mind equates insecurity with death. Death of the mind will be resisted at all costs by the mind. Hence we see the agitation caused due to perceived insecurity.

 

                        This insecurity expresses itself in the areas of finance, relationships, daily living, etc. Let me consider the aspect which has haunted me the most. The one related to the job market and employability. I don’t know how I got into this conundrum. I definitely know intellectually that I was not in control of my life at any point in life, but the mind hasn’t understood this and is not mature enough currently to understand the gravity of this statement.

 

                        I was caught in the current UPSC exam preparation and lost almost 8 years to this. Again I should not call this lost as nothing is lost or gained here in this world. All is pre-decided. But considering this puny mind that it is, they are lost, for the corporate world, they are certainly lost. 8 years is a huge gap that cannot be justified anywhere in the world. Though now I have a secure job environment currently as the business development manager at Pyramid Valley International Bangalore. But I cannot stay here for long. My wife is pregnant, and will have the child soon after a few months, then she can't stay here, as there are very less facilities here. If she isn’t here then I cannot also reside here permanently. I will have to come and go repeatedly. Can I afford to do this? I don’t know. Then another issue is of the low salary. With the expansion in the family, I will need more funds to satisfy the family needs. I cannot ignore the value richness and happiness that money brings with it.

 

                            Hence there are several reasons as to why I will need to move on next year. But the question is where shall I go. I don’t know currently. Should I opt for a family business back home at Jabalpur? Should I look for data analyst/scientist roles elsewhere? Should I go to Shashi Dhar gowda shoper company for the employment of me and my wife? There are big questions and the answers to which I cannot see currently. Perhaps it is in my best interest to not know them and know only when they appear in front of me.

 

                            The best option is to trust what respected Shri Atmananda, my guru has said, and that is nothing is in my i.e. body-mind control because body and mind are the dead objects of the alive consciousness, hence body-mind cannot know anything. It’s the awareness that knows everything. Then the mind must trust awareness for every answer and not cry for every situation.

 

Some Observations of my Personality

 

I started this new job at Pyramid Valley International on January 23, 2023, with the hope that apart from getting to do regular work on campus, I shall get time to do my personal spiritual work. This would definitely be a go-to ‘new life starter’ project and sticking to it I will change my life completely based on this, in terms of discipline in health, professional work, career, practice, sleep, and eating routines.

 

However to my surprise, as I look back at my stay here in the past 8 months, I have found that I have degraded the most in this time here as I have never done anywhere. I completely lack discipline, I have actually lost my appetite to do breathing exercises that I did so enthusiastically during the COVID times, sometimes even twice a day. Now it's easily a week that I miss without regret.

 

It's incredible for me. I cannot even imagine what I have become. I never thought that I would come to this stage. But here I am, and I must find a solution to it. I have thought over it before also but this hasn’t seeped into my understanding. I don’t know what realization I would require for it to be a permanent crystallization in me, because only after certain crystallization of information that a change in the course of action take place.

I have my habit tracker with me. I sometimes fill those enthusiastically and at other times probably 4-5 days at a stretch don’t touch it as if it was never a part of my life. I am beginning to see the shortcomings of my personality. This body-mind of mine is very fickle, it never sticks to something and completes it. How should I change it? Is it possible to change it?

Scriptures say it is not possible to change it. One can only watch as a witness, and the body and mind play out their predefined role, so should I just do nothing and become free? In one way it’s a relief. In another way, it is frightening because you cannot do anything. Despite seeing the shortcomings of yours you are not doing or rather not being able to do anything because you cannot do anything.

This is crazy. Just be a witness then. I have some more things to comment on my body-mind functionality. I have found some traits of behavior in my relationships with my relatives. I shall speak of them later in maybe another post. For now goodbye.

The past is the permanent dimension of human consciousness and values

The secrets of evolution of life is debatable still in the present century, however, pretty much Darwin's theory of evolution is the most accepted form of evolutionary thesis. The basic essence of Darwin theory is about the evolution of life from one state to the other state in course of time. Thus it is causal in nature which means one state leads to another in the presence of experiences continuously happening from moment to moment. Example is the evolution of humans from ape. Thus the present state can be traced back to the past state and causes can be discovered.

Past thus is the storehouse of human consciousness and memory. Those memory patterns interact with the present incoming impulses through the various senses and thus from thoughts. These thoughts then are the base for every action, belief, habits, and is thus the basis of character or personality. One thus remains ever influenced by such patterns of past which drive the present actions that make up the future. Thus there is a continuity driven by the past.

The past that is this storehouse or memory patterns is infinite in depth. Right from innumerable births these memory patterns have been accumulating and modifying the behavior of creature. Thus one can say in the present form any creature stores not only the memories of the last few instances but also of the whole creation itself, for who knows how many innumerable births one has gone through.

Is there an occasion when this rule is broken? There cannot be such an occasion. The reason is that because the past is the impulse, it is the pusher itself. However when some grave instances happen which disturb the usual functioning of the organism, the future course remain changed for once. Example is given of great mauryan king asoka. After the massive bloodshed in the war of kalinga, asoka changed his whole policy on war, and kingship. He reduced violence to the minimum and also adopted a new faith, Buddhism. However such changes also gets etched in the memory and then drive the future actions.

Changes in the consciousness of the past an be brought , but only through conscious efforts that are serious and ceaseless. Example can be given when one discovers a spiritual life, one requires massive changes in life that are conducive to the spiritual discipline. Thus one has to follow such routines to be ready for advancement. Thus such changes are driven by motivation and desire to progress. Past life is thrown away and a new life of hope is adopted.

Thus one can see that one need not be the prisoner of the dimension of the past. Changes can be brought by some extraordinary perceptions, supernatural influences, inspirations and motivations strike emotionally hard or melt the heart. If one believes strongly that one value needs to be followed to make one better then changes automatically are followed.

INTRODUCTION TO SELF MORTEM

writing here now, i dedicate this blog post to my self interrogation. all my posts relating to self inquiry will henceforth be displayed under this blog. this blog will be post mortem as well as ante mortem of the psychology and philosophy of mine. i would like to cut through the deepest thoughts, desires, reasons for them, drives for them and what i achieve if any, either positive or negative and infer about myself. its highly scientific method of understanding psychology and philosophy, but i am helpless as the world has only taught me the way of science.

this will be a highly personal affair as it will witness encounter me and my self not myself. the self has a different meaning here as to what people usually perceive in common. here it means the driver of your chariot of which the sense organs constitute the horses. well wait wait, i am not going here into much philosophy of the advaita or of the dvita. here i would be using simple language understandable to common brain.

i would also be listing out the headings as a type of questions that will encompass the whole story. the questions which i ask myself will constitute the whole topic. and mind you these are no simple questions. prima facie they look very common and simple to answer, but one deceives only herself by ignoring and passing by these questions. understanding these questions will make people understand their own personality.

in this fast pace world of whatsapp, facebook and other click and deliver type of functionings, perhaps people have forgotten the basic instinct of human mind to search for peace. all this hullabaloo has enmeshed humans into a labyrinthic maze. in this process humans have alienated from the whole organic understandings. love and hate happen like they are some toys that are bought and sold. everything is just so materialistic. infact even humans are now bought and sold -and that is happening from a long time now, for some thousands of years when the human mind got corrupted with greed and money pleasures-. 

i have never cared for such questions till i picked up my citta (a sanskrit word, called hosh in hindi, but couldnt translate it in english, it may be consciousness but that would be too vague and misplaced considering i plan to talk about the consciousness in its pure sense). i have come along the world of books in recent months and i have to admit that they are a world of treasure, only if selection is done wisely and with definite purpose. my search was accidental, and it opened to me a new world. then after a few months books became my best friends and only friends too, for i had virtually been cut off with friend world of mine. of course tv and internet still exist in my world and take up a huge space inside. part of my struggle with the above idiot boxes is my excessive indulgence with them. and i hipe that books help me to fend off my these useless indulgences, and i have somewhat removed them by decreasing the amount of their daily rituals. they are not only useless and take your time but also create excess entropy in your brain that prevents brain to learn for useful stuffs.

i should perhaps reserve the intricacies of questionnaires for the future. this blog was just meant to give introduction. look i again flew away with the wind. nevermind, till it brings something productive i will not complain. some exciting times shall await me. till then adios.

SOME CHANGES AND EXPERIENCES

i have been trying to implement certain changes in my lifestyle, structural and procedural changes as we say in academic style. but due to my laziness i have failed everytime. the power of procrastination has always made my resolve of the present 'for the next moment'. overcoming this, i have always craved for. my inner voice always speaks for its affirmative but the monkey having the keys to my procrastination always interrupts in between and takes charge of situations leaving my work 'for the next moment' and me ever frustrated.

escaping this menace was on my priority list. i tried to search videos and texts relating to it, and poeple's views regarding it. i also listened to the ones who successfully overcame this psychological mountain. most were the regular types nothing very authentic, only made for commercial purposes and for self group or individual projection and for being famous. however i dug out a goldmine in the form of a book that exactly explains my problems and ways to overcame that. it also quotes lot of practical examples and lessons from the lives of great people that have amasses huge fortunes and were once the sufferers of this same disease.

i then decided to read and implement the gospels mentioned there as divine principles. however they were not meant to be implemented all at the same time.  i too decided to apply part by part slowly. for it may have the danger of subconscious brain getting passed away by each and not internalizing any. when you throw everything at the same time the worth of individuality and its effectiveness decreases. and i did not want that. i wanted to extract as much as possible from that book.

the one thing that i would like to mention here that i have started is about the 5 am club, that i have joined recently. from past 4 days i daily wake up at 5 am or around. i know its early days but i have made a start. it is significant in itself. without that book -that stimulated that desire in me- i would never have the inner power to overcome that same laziness and procrastination. i have also decided to run and jog at 5 am. this time is apt for it. the surroundings are cool and calm, there is not much rush, its quiet and perfect for caressing the nature's body. it has some added advantages of giving a purpose to leave the bed. imagine just opening the eyes tying the shoe laces and then leaving for running. but it has to be made as a practice, otherwise it can degenerate. i'll try my best to be regular.

the other change is about the FAITH that i bring in my attitude and inside me. the POWER OF FAITH i shall describe to you in my next account, for this one is just about the introduction to distinct changes. the other regular posts i shall be posting -as best as i can- will be about the inner psychological feelings that have erupted or slept due to these changes in my lifestyle. till then goodbye.

encounter with the dalai lama

well, i was planning to wrote a blog from a long time now, but couldn't write for some or the other reason. but here i am now. what forced me to write this blog was the first encounter with the teachings of the dalai lama. i just randomly searched for him in the youtube, god knows why i did it, and found large number of videos. 

going by the authenticity of bbc and at par channels i watched their interviews with him. the main thing that stood out for me was his way of answering questions. he was very child like and laughed like a child after every answer that he gave. it seems like the impurities of the world has not affected a single bit. for a common man behaving in that way would be embarrassing. he would simply be called a retard that did not learnt the civic values of how to conduct oneself and behave in a society.

it is amazing to see that humans have created a world where there are defined rules and settings, which compel the whole race to be adherent to it. even who has the singlest thought of altering himself would be put right by the constantly screaming society. and then the man thinks that he has civilized himself over the years and is an evolved version of his ancestors. in fact he is more into the spiral trap of rules and regulations, dissolving himself so much that a remotest idea of what he is doing and undergoing has deserted him. what a pity.

of the other videos he talked about the tibet question, of his exile and china's democracy vs communism. i think he was in favour of democracy being the best mode of governance in the world and batted for china accepting it. he loved the concept of freedom and wanted to emulate everywhere in the world. he talked of the middle way for solving the tibet question as a buddhist will expectedly do it going by the buddhist middle path.

englishmen were very keen to have a sneak into his exiled home in dharmasala. after a much ado they finally got the access. they interviewed him there and had surprising insights. could anyone believe that the dalai lama would use treadmill on a regular basis. at least i didn't. wow man. this was part of his daily schedule.

he woke up at 3:30 daily. dis some exercises and then jogged for a bit and then morning rituals with dhyana for about an hour or two. here in this meditation he said he analysed his life and subtle happenings. in this process as being a lama he had to remember all those 253 verses that a lama had to remember (i have only this much of idea about it). he watched television not more than one hour, for daily updates of the world. i say his place looked extremely holy from the inside. very beautiful tibetan pictures and paintings. some mountain views of the himalayas and tibetan temples.

his daily routine included reading books as usual of any great man. in an interview he confessed that as a child he was very shy of books and just wanted to play and play. his favourite books included the ones written during the nalanda university flourishment. those second century writings are his holy books and like textbooks to him. they all have been translated in tibetan from sanskrit and are there in the form of preserved treasure.

in a public lecture he talked about religious harmony, and role of india in it. that open lecture was filled with the foreigners that have come to see him. they looked like the gypsies or the romanians, i couldnt distinguish much of the east europeans. bu they were very excited to listen to buddhist teachings and about the religious harmony. he pointed to the india's religious tolerance since the ancient times and that it still continued apart from minor here and there flashes of tweaks and burst of communalism.

 his concept of respect for the opposing view also emanated from the ancient indian example. the six schools of indian philosophy criticized the concept of charvaka that didn't believed in the theory of god and its existence. he believed in existence itself and being an materialist discarded the concept of god. his theory was severely criticized by all. but all them maintained respect for the person, for he had the brains and thinking and courage to present a divergent viewpoint by the discussion on it, all the other theories got enriched.

the dalai lama was a humble person and repeatedly didn't criticized china in any way. he had no complaints with the US on not pressurizing china. he is always thankful to india for giving him shelter. it is hard to ignore such a personality and his ways of attending. his aura is unique and holiness spills by his side. i wish i could have a chance to meet him and take important lessons of life and inner peace and spirituality. hope that day comes soon.

THE NUCLEAR DEBACLE

THE NUCLEAR DEBACLE

amidst the hype created by the ostensible nuclear deal done between the US and india, the intricacies have been avoided. Foreign secretary categorically stated that ‘the deal is done’. Media has hyped the conclusions even before the joint press conference made public. What is one to infer and conclude about the so called historic deal. Is it done? Is it worthwhile to undertake deals like these where the developed world is finding ways to part from it? The questions are legitimate and important concerning the dangers that the issue possesses and is effects on india.

Section 17b and 46 are well known that I am not going to go about here. I am going to about some interesting pieces that I heard in a debate today. First, is the US really very keen to ouch through the deal as is known. The answer is tilted towards no. the reason is that originally the deal that was concluded was by the republicans, the democrats on the other hand are very law going persons. They cannot at any point break the laws that they themselves has set. Democrats also are not famous india-loving people. The lawyers of the US that handle the nuclear cases are in no sense ordinary lawyers. They charge astronomical amounts even for an hour. They will only relent till they extract the last pound from the coffers. So the US will be weary about this.

Second is about the US’ own domestic policies. Their own nuclear industry is going down at the moment. Mostly aare private players like hitachi, Westinghouse etc. the US has not installed a single power reactor sicne thirty years and is another example of a developed nation that is shying away from the nuclear energy business. Why so? I’m sure all know the reasons. In fact it plans to reduce the already set and functioning reactors and instead opt for renewable sources which are clean, relatively risk-free and future promising. India’s need for nuclear energy is paramount and reasons we know.

Concerning the liability law and those 2 sections. Well, they were passed by the consent of both then ruling party and the opposition party, in the wake of india’s horrific memories of Bhopal gas tragedy. Without diluting those laws any foreign collaboration is not possible. Even the Indian manufacturers Larsen and toubro etc. have categorically denied to supply any reactors until those sections are fixed. India has superior technology itself. The advanced pressurized heavy water reactor technology in india is well developed and india does not requires any foreign collaboration if the scale meets up the demand. If india wants to start in this area it should first negotiate the deal with domestic suppliers. One open suggestion can be to utilize this technology by selling and gaining enormous money. I am sure this may have come up in the past as well, but do not understand the reason as to why we have hesitated to leverage ourselves where piles and piles of cash are awaiting us. Probably we are trying to project ourselves as the responsible nation that does not indulges itself in proliferation exercises. If this is the case then it should know the Chinese case that even after signing NPT it has proliferated technologies to irresponsible state actors. The US does not object to ti there. Practicability and self interest are guide to the conduct and not idealism, that india knows very well, but still there is some or the other reasins for sitting back at the haunches and watching the players play the match in the global arena.

India has planned an insurance pool of somewhere about 1500 crores that covers the liability of the operators. I think this money is not at all sufficient. Moreover if one really wants ti insure through the taxpayers money, it can do so to the domestic suppliers. Why insure a foreign company when it has no humanitarian interests and is hell bent to extract money out of everything, not caring about the human lives that may be at risk.

France and Russia also have been reluctant to supply. But there was some vulnerability in their firmness indicating their willingness to go through despite the 2 sections. This again points to another question- why is india pushing through it so much hard. Can it not negotiate more with them. The kudankulams are working despite the liability law. I am sure the current depreciation of the economy of Russia and weaknesses of france can be utilized for the current moment to break the ice.

Given all this, my personal judgement says that the current break through deal, that is being spoken off  is a symbolic gesture to indicate the closeness of the countries and also commitment on the part of the governments that they have delivered something substantive. The defence deals are through anyhow. I think defence was the major concern for the two countries. US wants to sell and gather huge monies and contracts and india wants to boost up its manufacturing as a part of  ‘make in india’ campaign. Whatever be the final internal breakthroughs, one thing is clear that the two nations have come close and indicated the convergence of the two largest democracies’ mutual interests in various fields. Symbolism is there, sign of any substance will be soon be deciphered.